


i'm no savior

by asunthr



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Character Study, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Gen, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), hard shell but big softie inside, honestly felix is just a coconut in this one, no beta we die like Glenn, who would've thought felix could be thoughtful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asunthr/pseuds/asunthr
Summary: Felix was no savior. He'd tell you that himself.Never would he dare call himself something that's even remotely close to what people across the Kingdom lovingly called his father. The Shield of Faerghus? Only his old man would be able to carry such a bombastic title such as that.Unlike him, Felix was no shield, no protector, no savior, no nothing. He was just Felix Hugo Fraldarius, a man who dedicated his life to the pursuit of strength. His only intention was to prove his worth on the battlefield and satiate his hunger for victory.That was all that mattered. Anything else was secondary.---Or, the five times Felix was a hypocrite.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	i'm no savior

**Author's Note:**

> i can't stop thinking about all the times people canonically insinuated or even outright said felix was a hidden softie so i wrote about it. enjoy a seventeen year old prickly boy being not so prickly after all!

Felix was no savior. He'd tell you that himself. 

Never would he dare call himself something that's even remotely close to what people across the Kingdom lovingly called his father. The Shield of Faerghus? Only his old man would be able to carry such a bombastic title such as that. 

Unlike him, Felix was no shield, no protector, no savior, no nothing. He was just Felix Hugo Fraldarius, a man who dedicated his life to the pursuit of strength. Every hour spent training, every bothersome ache in his muscles, every droplet of sweat and blood spilt—they were all to improve his skill. His starry-eyed classmates may have had their own motives for honing their craft, whether it was to emulate a golden knight from one of those disgustingly idealistic novels, or to recklessly win the heart of someone who'd be long gone before the sun rose, but Felix's only intention was to prove his worth on the battlefield and satiate his hunger for victory. 

That was all that mattered. Anything else was secondary.

If anyone managed to catch him running across the battlefield to support a classmate struggling against a stronger enemy, he'd simply counter and say he couldn't stand the sight of them looking so pathetic, as if it was a slight to him that they failed to protect themselves.

If anyone managed to witness him diverting an enemy's attention from a weaker classmate to himself, he'd argue that it was to prevent them from being a liability later on if they got injured. 

Above all else, he'd tell them that he was just doing his job. He didn't do these things because he cared. No, he did them not out of the goodness of his heart, but because any misfortune befalling the people around him would be… annoying. 

That was it. He wasn't a savior. He just didn't like seeing weakness because it was irritating. A nuisance. It wasn't his fault other people were weak, but it'd be his fault if he didn't do anything to stop a future inconvenience for himself. 

Yes… That was it. 

\---

There was a shortcut between the dining hall and the southern gardens that Felix liked to take whenever he wanted to avoid people on his way to train after breakfast. Which, incidentally, was every day. On most days, he'd pass without a hitch, and he enjoyed having no distractions on the way to his favorite spot in the whole monastery. 

Today, however, there just had to be some commotion in the store room nestled behind the dining hall. It was none of his business and he was set on ignoring it, but someone just had to shriek like they were seconds away from death. 

Felix's body acted on its own. He barreled across the garden and threw the door open, his sword unsheathed and ready, only to come face to face with a panicked Annette.

…And a frightened Sylvain? 

They pushed past him and Annette all but hid behind him, clutching the back of his shirt like her life depended on it. Letting out a heavy breath, Sylvain leaned his hands on his knees and shot Felix an embarrassed but thankful grin. 

Felix shook off Annette's grip. "What the hell happened?"

"Well, um, you see… There was a cockroach," Annette muttered, cautiously stepping away from the door that was still open. 

Did Felix hear that right? 

"Excuse me?" 

"There was a cockroach," she repeated. Then she shuddered. "I was dusting the shelves when it landed on me. I tried to flick it off and well…" 

"And then it landed on me," Sylvain cringed, the fear flashing in his eyes once more. For a brief moment, Felix couldn't help but wonder whose scream exactly he heard. 

Annette smiled guiltily at Sylvain. "I'm sorry, Sylvain! I didn't know you were scared of cockroaches too."

"I'm not," Sylvain declared bravely and added a chuckle for good measure. To anyone else, it would've been believable, but Felix didn't miss the lingering tension in his shoulders. "I just don't like those filthy things, and your reaction startled me."

Felix knew that was a lie. Sylvain had been afraid of cockroaches ever since Felix helped pull him out of the well Miklan left him in years ago. Even after a long bath and a good scrubbing, the smell of dead cockroaches still lingered on his skin. He may like to cover his phobia up by citing his penchant for cleanliness, but Felix never forgot the way he looked near catatonic when he had to have cockroach legs and wings plucked from his clothes the minute he was out of the well. 

But Felix wasn't going to tell Annette that. Or anyone, really. 

"Where is it?" Felix asked instead. 

Annette's face lit up. "Are you going to kill it?" 

Well, someone had to, unless he wanted to hear another gut-wrenching scream. "Yes."

Behind him, Sylvain let out another breath. 

"Goddess, Felix, thank you so much!" Annette said, bouncing up and down. The gratitude in her eyes was too bright, Felix had to look away. 

After about a minute of careful guidance as to where the little bastard probably scurried off to, Felix finally had it crushed beneath his boot. His two redheaded companions sighed as if the weight of the entire world had been lifted off them, and stepped back inside the store room lighter than ever. 

"Thank you Felix, you really saved us," Annette chirped. 

He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "It was just a cockroach. It'd be stupid to leave it scurrying around to infest the equipment."

"Still. Thanks, Felix," Sylvain said, rare sincerity lining his voice.

With a huff, Felix walked off to the training grounds. 

\---

Felix didn't expect everyone to have the same level of dexterity and agility that he had. Sometimes he wished they did, just so he wouldn't have to go out of his way to watch over them. But alas, the world simply wasn't a wish-granting factory that complied with him. 

And as if to prove that, the world just had to send a stumbling Mercedes down his path. 

"Oh no!" she gasped, the supply crate in her arms dangerously teetering as she maneuvered her way down the hall. Unable to see where she was going, she nearly rammed the crate right into Felix's head. 

"Watch where you're going, will you?" he chided and gripped the crate to steady her. 

"Oh, Felix! I'm so sorry," she said and tried to free the crate from his hands so she could move on, but his grasp was firm. 

"What made you think you could carry this by yourself?"

She flashed him one of her dainty smiles. "It's for the infirmary, it's not far!" 

True, but did she even realize she'd have to climb a whole flight of stairs just to reach it? How pitiful she'd look hobbling around with a crate bigger than her torso. 

He groaned. "I'll take it. Can't have other people cleaning up your mess when you fall." 

"Thank you for your help, Felix," she replied with a giggle that sounded far too suspicious before dropping the full weight of the crate in his hands and letting him do all the work. 

Once the supplies were placed safely in the infirmary, Felix turned around to return to his day only to have Mercedes stop him. 

"Here, I want you to have this," she said, holding her hand out. "I didn't have anything else, but I want to thank you for helping me."

He stared at what she was holding. It was a tin of… something, but he didn't know what. "No thanks. I don't need that." 

"Please, I insist," she said, rattling the tin. "You helped me save time by bringing that whole thing here." 

"Hpmh. People needed those supplies." 

He made no move to take whatever was in her hands, but she went and gave it to him anyway. With another one of her suspicious giggles, she said, "Thank you for being so kind, Felix." 

And then she walked away.

Curious, he pried open the metal cap to reveal mixed berry drops coated in powdered sugar. Of all the things to give him, she chose to give him candy? 

Disgusting.

Hmm…

Maybe Sylvain would enjoy it instead. 

\---

The beginning of a new week meant having new chore assignments. Before ending their lecture for the morning, Professor Byleth monotonously announced their designated tasks for the day like they hadn't just quelled a rebellion a few days prior. As always, life continued to go on at the monastery, even after Ashe had to help kill his adoptive father. 

"Ingrid, you're on stable duty today. Felix, it's your turn to do the greenhouse. Ashe, you're in charge of organizing the armory…" Professor Byleth read off her list. Ashe glanced up with a weak nod before returning his gaze to his hands. 

Felix couldn't help it, but he hated how much he noticed the grief in Ashe's eyes. Blank, sullen, and damp with tears that never seemed to dry, he stared unseeing at the front of the classroom, his notebook untouched in front of him and his hands glued to his lap. As much as he tried to light himself up whenever someone called his attention, Felix still saw how much of a struggle it was, like he was a lone candle trying in vain to warm a room exposed to a blizzard. 

…He knew that look well. It was one he saw countless times in the mirror after his brother's empty armor was returned home. And sometimes, it was one that still stared back at him after a long night spent running away from his nostalgic dreams. 

And well, if he didn't like seeing it on his face, why would he like seeing it on others? 

Felix moved before he could even second guess himself and approached Professor Byleth as his classmates shuffled out of the classroom. 

"Professor," he called. "I can clean the armory today."

She blinked at him. "Why? You're already doing the greenhouse."

"Yeah, Felix…" Ashe muttered, standing up from his seat without his usual energy. "I'm doing the armory." 

"I heard there was a new shipment of swords and I want to inspect it," he answered coolly and crossed his arms over his chest. "Might as well kill two birds with one stone."

Professor Byleth's eyes narrowed between her two students but lingered a moment longer on Ashe. For a split second, Felix could have sworn he saw sympathy flash across her characteristic vacant stare. 

"Alright. Ashe, I suppose you're free for the day," she relented, and went back to wiping the board. 

Felix gathered up his things and left the classroom without another word. 

"Felix, wait!" Ashe called, jogging toward him. "Thank you. I-" 

"It was nothing," Felix replied automatically, averting his gaze from how much sadder Ashe actually looked now that he was closer. "It was convenient for me, that's all." 

\---

On good days, Felix didn't have to share the training grounds with the boar. On especially bad days, however, he had the privilege of sharing it not only with him, but also with his beloved lapdog. Well, Felix knew he didn't own the place, so he couldn't just send them out like a brat, but Goddess was it frustrating to see them interact so close to him. 

It didn't help that for the past few weeks, Dedue had been shadowing Dimitri more so than what was normal. Felix didn't think he could stomach witnessing one more apprehensive look from him. It was pathetic. Dedue looked like a damn puppy trailing after its master with worried eyes all because Dimitri apparently hadn't been sleeping much lately.

That was a fact Felix knew far too well. Since his room was right next to His Beastliness, Felix had to endure nights of feeling heavy footsteps reverberate through the walls, and hearing a door open and close at ungodly hours. He considered himself lucky he didn't have to hear Sylvain's antics on most days, but that didn't mean he enjoyed having his sleep interrupted by Dimitri's troubles. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Felix had an idea of what could be keeping him up, but it wasn't in his nature to address it. Not that he particularly cared to, anyway. 

So instead, he did what he did best.

"You two. Spar with me."

They gaped at him in disbelief and he had to begrudgingly repeat himself. Still, they weren't the type to back down from a good chance to train.

Felix went extra hard on them that day. A Crest or two may have activated a few times, and a few other students may have had to clear the area to give them space, but it was no big deal. By the time it was over, they were all breathless with exertion and soaked with sweat. 

And no, Felix didn't do it because he wanted Dimitri to tire out so he could fall asleep faster, and in turn ease Dedue's pitiful stares. And it definitely wasn't because Felix was a firm believer that a good spar had the power to clear the mind for a bit. That wasn't it. 

Felix just wanted a night of restful sleep for himself, for once. It was better for everyone that way. 

"We haven't sparred like that in a while," Dimitri said, exchanging an enthused look with Dedue. "Thank you, Fe-"

Felix was already halfway to the door. "Hmph. Whatever."

\---

Ingrid was bouncing when she entered the classroom. She rarely bounced, not unless she was on the way to the dining hall or yapping away about some silly legend to Ashe. Felix couldn't comprehend what could possibly be so exciting about today's lecture that she needed to drag the whole sun in when she sat down on her seat in front of him. 

"Felix, did you hear?" she breathed, twisting around to face him. "It's an all meat special for today's menu! They're sampling dishes from all over Fódlan!"

Ah, that was it. Of course. 

"Oh?" he asked, smirking. "Looks like they need to ration their portions then, or else none of us would be able to eat by the time you're done." 

"Hey! I would never. Besides, my schedule's packed today," she said sadly. "I'd be lucky if I even get to try our favorite Gronder skewers before they run out." 

Felix wasn't even surprised with how dejected she looked. When it came to delicious food, Ingrid had always been like a damn fanatic. It was almost as if her stomach took over and captivated her, giving her tunnel vision until the whole plate was wiped clean. Missing an opportunity to taste her favorite dishes was probably nothing short of absolutely heartbreaking for her. 

"Well, you better finish your chores quickly then," he teased, earning him an eye roll from her. 

Later that day, Felix walked into the dining hall after a particularly tiring training session, and helped himself to a serving of those skewers. As he walked to his usual spot away from everyone else, he distantly wondered if Ingrid had been able to finally get her hands on the skewers after dreaming about them all day. 

He didn't need to wonder long, because Ingrid soon strolled into the dining hall. Her eyes were bright despite the clear exhaustion in her features, and Felix watched quietly as she all but skipped toward the head chef. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but with the way Ingrid's face dropped and her shoulders slackened, it was clear what had happened. 

They ran out of meat skewers. 

Felix looked down at his plate. He had two sticks left. He glanced back at Ingrid, who was now frowning as she picked up a plate of fried pheasant instead. The misery on her face was such a stark contrast to her morning cheer that it was almost painful to witness. 

He looked back at his plate and pushed it away, deciding that he wasn't that hungry after all. 

She plopped down across him with a heavy sigh. "They're out," she muttered. 

"No they're not," Felix said, and slid his plate toward her. 

"I mean, I knew I wasn't going to be able to, but-wait, what? Felix!" she gasped, but it sounded more like a scolding rather than shock. "I can't, this is yours!" 

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Just eat it." 

"Felix, thank you! Wait… did you save this for me?"

"No. I just wasn't hungry anymore," he lied.

And averted his gaze before he could see the knowing glint in her eyes.

\---

Felix was no savior. He'd tell you that himself.

But if you asked anyone else who knew him, they'd tell you otherwise. 

They'd say that it was like second nature to him to support his classmates on the battlefield. He may have been excellent at carving a bloody path all on his own, but he never hesitated to help a classmate who was pinned down or to cover their flanks when they were outnumbered. 

They'd say that he was more considerate and more perceptive of others than he liked to let them believe. He presented himself as a quiet, lone wolf, but in his silence he watched his peers with a careful eye and unconsciously picked up on the little details about them. 

They'd say that he was a man of action, and his actions proved the care he secretly held inside him. He covered up his good deeds with brusque words and deflection, but it didn't take away the fact that he did something nice for them to begin with. 

And if they were feeling daring, they'd argue that strength for strength's sake wasn't his only motivation. Somewhere deep inside, underneath all that sharpness, he fought to be strong so that he could protect—so that he could save—those who were dear to him.

**Author's Note:**

> would you believe me if i said this happened because i had an encounter with a cockroach the other day? lmao  
> anyway, thanks for reading! <3


End file.
